Long walk was too long
walked downstairs to find my mother washing the dishes with laundry detergent.
if anybody has ever wondered why i am the way i am, this is it.
The most difficult thing about going to a Catholic elementary and high school is the constant loneliness that you feel everyday from then on. You’re told day in and day out that you are going to go to hell for falling in love. Something supposedly equatable to murder, theft, and adultery.
When you finally feel just about normal you recognize that your best friends are straight, white, anglo-saxon males who, despite their best intentions, will not be comfortable hearing about your problems. And why should they be? You have been brought up the same way and you feel almost as uncomfortable talking about them as they do hearing about them. Your guilt and their shame are almost equal, with the halcyon of your realization burning forever.
So this is what it means to be attractive, educated, and living in relative wealth; you will be surrounded by people whose attempt to care about you is not engendered by morality but by society.
And where are you now but medicated and unhappy with a job and a life and a dog that you wish you could throw away for something meaningful and present for perpetuity.
My ex decided it was good idea to flirt via text. My first reaction was to not respond in an attempt to preserve whatever dignity I might have left.
Then I realized dignity wasn’t going to suck my dick so here we go again.
It was killing him with its silence and loneliness. Making everything ordinary too beautiful to bare.